I am a lover of horticulture, gardening and the environment. At age 8, I sent away for a package of Zinnia seeds for 10 cents and I've been hooked ever since. After 25 years of being self-employed, I retired. That only lasted 4 years and I now work in a water conservation program: I buy grass from homeowners who are willing to convert to desert landscaping and lose that thirsty green stuff. I pursue what interests me and you can blame my sister for getting me into this blogging thing.

Friday, December 03, 2010

Life as we now know it

Thanksgiving, 2010

Three months ago, I wished time would stand still. Amazingly, it seems as if it has. My ill husband is better to some degree. He is stronger and I sent the hospital bed back. We get out once or twice a week. I am able to leave him unattended for a few hours. We have enjoyed visits from our sons and grandchildren.

This morning I was pondering how our relationship has changed after 51 years. When you're first married you are preoccupied with each other, then life and children interfere. You are too busy making a living and just living to be so dedicated. Now as my husband's caregiver, I am totally devoted to him once again. If the situation wasn't so serious, it would be funny. He always wanted my undivided attention. I am sure I will be grateful that we've had this time together. Both of us have been through some of the stages of grief, for me, I have gained acceptance and I think he has too. It is still depressing to think about a future without him, but I will survive and after grieving, I will enjoy my life once again.

I've always been a person to explore opportunities. Never say no, you only go around once, has been my motto. John has supported me in all my crazy endeavors. If I decided to do something, I would get a plan together, and John would be my best helper. It is impossible to change my mind when I've made a decision.

Two weeks ago I painted and redecorated my bathroom. Well, I'm home all day taking care of John, so why not do something useful? Granted that being a sick person's caretaker is time consuming and difficult. I also cut mats and framed some pictures for my girlfriend. My life has changed since I am no longer working full time outside our home, now I'm working double time at home. But I'm not complaining. Everyday together is a blessing. I am blessed by still having my husband and having wonderful friends and family who give me support during this time.