I am a lover of horticulture, gardening and the environment. At age 8, I sent away for a package of Zinnia seeds for 10 cents and I've been hooked ever since. After 25 years of being self-employed, I retired. That only lasted 4 years and I now work in a water conservation program: I buy grass from homeowners who are willing to convert to desert landscaping and lose that thirsty green stuff. I pursue what interests me and you can blame my sister for getting me into this blogging thing.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I wish I could make time stand still

Last week, my husband and I celebrated our 51st wedding anniversary. It was bittersweet and sad for me. It will be our last anniversary. My husband has terminal cancer. He was diagnosed in July with a rare cancer. It is aggressive and untreatable. He has been on hospice care for about a month. Right now he seems to be rallying. He has no pain and although weak, is getting around a bit with a walker. My days are filled with caring for his every need. I am busy taking care of him, our house, our yard, our pets. One day soon I know the house will be empty of his comforting presence. It is hard to believe he is dying, he's not wasting away and looks pretty good.

Until, I sat down to write this, I never asked why did this happen? Some things are not explainable and it is what it is. This is where the rubber meets the road. You know what stuff you're made of. A lot of people would have put him in a nursing home or group home. I chose to care for him myself. My friends have been wonderful at giving me support, visiting, encouraging me to take care of myself. I know they are true friends. Our sons have been here to visit, our oldest son a couple of times to help me with his dad's care.
I know I'll miss him when he's gone. I've loved him since I was 19 and we've had a good life together. We raised 3 wonderful sons and have 7 grandchildren. I wish I could make time stand still and keep him with me. But soon it will be time to say goodbye. I will treasure this time we are able to spend together.


Blogger said...

I stopped by to say hello.

September 12, 2010 5:55 AM  
Blogger Motherkitty said...

You are in my thoughts every single day. I love you.

September 12, 2010 11:16 AM  

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