Life as we now know it
Three months ago, I wished time would stand still. Amazingly, it seems as if it has. My ill husband is better to some degree. He is stronger and I sent the hospital bed back. We get out once or twice a week. I am able to leave him unattended for a few hours. We have enjoyed visits from our sons and grandchildren.
This morning I was pondering how our relationship has changed after 51 years. When you're first married you are preoccupied with each other, then life and children interfere. You are too busy making a living and just living to be so dedicated. Now as my husband's caregiver, I am totally devoted to him once again. If the situation wasn't so serious, it would be funny. He always wanted my undivided attention. I am sure I will be grateful that we've had this time together. Both of us have been through some of the stages of grief, for me, I have gained acceptance and I think he has too. It is still depressing to think about a future without him, but I will survive and after grieving, I will enjoy my life once again.
I've always been a person to explore opportunities. Never say no, you only go around once, has been my motto. John has supported me in all my crazy endeavors. If I decided to do something, I would get a plan together, and John would be my best helper. It is impossible to change my mind when I've made a decision.
Two weeks ago I painted and redecorated my bathroom. Well, I'm home all day taking care of John, so why not do something useful? Granted that being a sick person's caretaker is time consuming and difficult. I also cut mats and framed some pictures for my girlfriend. My life has changed since I am no longer working full time outside our home, now I'm working double time at home. But I'm not complaining. Everyday together is a blessing. I am blessed by still having my husband and having wonderful friends and family who give me support during this time.